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Love is such a beautiful thing, don’t you agree? It signifies everything good, everything pure and unblemished. If the whole world was and still is built on the basis of love, I think most of us can live in peace and harmony for thousands and thousands of years. Love also has the power to enable a person to perform impossible deeds and overcome pain and hardship that many others cannot possibly endure. Such is the power of love that a mother can die for her children, a warrior can receive so many wounds but still stand and continue to fight in battle, an old man who is usually frail and weak can move heavy objects to save the person he loves. 

Yet when evil exists in this world, love also has its place. I truly believe that within every one of us there is love but sadly this love has been clouded by hatred, selfishness, prejudice and all kinds of evil thoughts and actions. Perhaps it is education and our own upbringing that made us into who we are today. I cannot deny that there are still plenty of kind-hearted people out there whose lives are still based on love but it is the truth that their numbers are diminishing rapidly. In our society nowadays, greed and hate seems to be the driving force behind a lot of people. I am sure a lot of you have had plenty of nightmarish experiences where you’re cheated, accused or even backstabbed by your closest friends. I had my share of backstabbing and betrayals in the past and they were so frequent that I’ve grown somewhat used to them. Not used to as in it doesn’t matter anymore but more towards a ‘I expected this to happen’ attitude.

I have to admit first that some of the time, hate does govern my life and cloud my judgment. I have often dreamt of exacting revenge on those who had in some way angered or shamed me for their own entertainment. There were times where I though up such twisted plans and schemes that they scared the hell out of me when I recalled them some time later. It is a pity that my first relationship ended so quickly because I was a jealous and suspecting fool. I still didn’t wake up after the breakup and it took me almost 2 years to figure out that most of the problems came from me all along. I failed miserably in being the person who was there for my ex and who cared for and loved her no matter what. I was the perfect guy in the beginning of the relationship but soon hate and fear came to dominate my judgment and everything fell apart pretty quickly. I forgot the promise I made with her at the beginning of our relationship and that was trust. I have learnt now, through a very, very painful lesson that love goes hand in hand with trust.

I was quite resistant to writing a blog at first because I think its stupid to expose your inner thoughts to people. Hehe, now I take it back, its quite fun to just sit down in front of the computer and blabber about what’s on your mind without caring whether people really do read your blog or not. Hope I’ll get the pictures for the Jenjarum performance as well as the China press’s one, those are really great memories that I would treasure in the years to come. The feeling is really drastically different before, during and after the performances. There is anticipation and fear before actually stepping onto the stage, numbness and sometimes euphoria when performing and most often that not, disappointing after the performance. I sometimes wonder if there was a time I truly deem myself worthy of actually representing my choir. Honestly speaking there’s not a single time when I felt I really did great or performed well enough. Singing itself is already a technique that you have to gain through experience. At least to me it is. For some people it just comes naturally. How about harmonization then? I know a few people in my choir who can perform harmonization ‘on the fly’. As for myself, I give myself a 4 on a scale of 10 in singing. I don’t really think I excel in any single thing even if I really put in a lot of effort. Most probably I’ll just be within the range of average but I guess I have to be grateful for that. J

I have often experienced ‘love at first sight’ but unfortunately for me, this kind of love always goes down to being one-sided. There’s no instance where I’m being admired by the person I had my eyes one. Perhaps that is why I work so hard in trying to excel in everything. I really feel useless most of the time if I compare myself to the popular guys out there. They make it seem so, so easy to attract the adoration of the opposite sex. I know its wrong to think that way, to want to bask in the admiration of the crowd but I really would like to feel it someday. One of my friends told me that it’s normal to feel that way. He says its because you haven’t found someone who really admires and loves you. According to him, once you are with the person you love, nothing of this would seem important to you anymore. Can’t say I agree with him fully because I don’t know about that yet but I do suspect that ‘LOL’ (lack of love) is the main driving force behind my constant push for improvement. Not because I really want to improve (well that occupies maybe only 60 percent of the motive) but because I want people to notice me. Pathetic huh?

I have constantly told myself to be humble, to not be a show off and to treat people kindly and through the heart. However its getting harder and harder because it seems to me that it is the norm to show how strong or how good you are nowadays. Being humble is not an option because it would mean marginalizing yourself from the crowd. Sooner or later you’ll disappear from everyone’s radar screen. Not that it’s a bad thing to be invisible because being popular does has its downfall. It only sucks big time when you try so hard to be seen by the person you’re in love with and all he or she does is ignore you. You know what? I don’t really mind being condemned by everyone on this planet but if the person I love does it, I know full well that I’ll break into pieces. It’s really funny how love can affect a person. It’s even a mystery how it happens or starts between two people. It may be you’ve never had feelings for the person and then one day ‘BAM’ it just happens. She’s just a normal girl the other day and suddenly she’s transformed into a beautiful thing, even her voice seems to change and clarity and sounds harmonious to the ear.

Many of my friends advice me not to live my life based on love. Perhaps many of you out there can truly view love as a ‘distraction’ or another ‘section’ of life but to me love is intertwined with everything I do. I’ve even heard a few people can limit the intensity of feelings they place into a relationship. To me that’s plain silly. I can’t understand how its done and I don’t think its even plausible to do that. I truly believe in a verse found in the song ‘when I fall in love’ – ‘when I give my heart, it will be completely, or I’ll never give my heart’. That, to me is the true meaning of falling in love. Though I truly believe in that, I’m still afraid to love someone completely, I have often wrestled with my emotions and try not to think too much of the person I love. Yeah, its because I’m a coward and I don’t want to go through the phase of being hurt all over again. I truly admire others who have the courage to really try their bests and walk away with no regrets. I even admire those who are courageous enough to tell the person they love how the really feel. Sometimes, seriously, I feel like a failure in life… … L

我心中的日月, 那天雖然只是和妳單獨度過了短短的几分鐘. 看妳拿著我的手機玩, 那可愛的表情真的令我更加的喜歡你. 我也記得你那天輕輕地握了一下我的手臂, 雖然不是刻意的但頓時嚷我的心跳跳得好快. 愛,真的非常奇妙. 好希望我們之間的距離能夠再拉近一點點. 好希望你能有一天主動打電話給我和我聊天… …

Well for those of you who do not know and who are reading my blog (sometimes I doubt anybody would take their time to even glance through it…ehehehehe), our choir, Renaissance Choir 2 went down to Jenjarum for a performance yesterday…and it was unexpectedly good! This was one of the few times where I felt the closeness and strength of each and every one of the choir members during the 15 minutes rehearsal as well as the performance. It really is hard to describe the feeling of oneness and togetherness. All I can say is that you feel a strong surge of current or power as well as invincibility when it happens. Nothing seems to matter anymore and there is absolutely no fear that you cannot face and overcome. Wohoo! I hope I’ll be able to experience this feeling again for this coming Friday’s performance.

Anyway while waiting for our turn to perform yesterday, one of our members – Chai Chung Han led us through a small mental power experiment. This experiment tries to prove that if you really set your mind on a situation and if you concentrate reaaaal hard, you will be able to influence the outcome of that particular situation. To prove the validity of this experiment, he selected two of our members – Alan Wong and Andrew Chan. Now Alan would be standing with his right arm outstretched in front of him and Andrew would try to force Alan’s right arm down while Alan would naturally try to counter the downward thrust. What the other are supposed to do are:

1. Imagine a pink balloon filled with perfumed gas coming out from our heads and floating over to Alan. The balloon will then burst and Alan will be engulfed in err, perfumed gas. We will then utter the words ‘I love you’ imaginatively.
2. Repeat number 1 but substitute the pink balloon with a black one filled with poisonous gas and instead of uttering ‘I love you’ we change it to ‘I hate you.

Anyway Alan was able to counter the downward thrust pretty easily when we used ‘mental assistance’ number 1. However when we used ‘mental interference’ number 2, he seemed to have difficulty countering the thrust and gave up pretty quickly. Now I know a lot of you might be rolling their eyeballs or laughing at the stuff I just wrote. Perhaps the experiment is just not done in a controlled way and it may be prone to errors. Perhaps Alan was already tired or Andrew didn’t really use his full strength throughout the experiment but I still believe in the effects of mental power. Honestly speaking, this experiment did not prove anything to me but it did make me ponder on the existence of another force in this universe.

I already believe that other than physical force, there is another force in this universe that a lot of humans (including you and me) have not fully grasped and that is mental power. Since I am a Buddhist, I also believe that our lives are interlinked and that there is no beginning or end. This has also led me to believe that since there is reincarnation, everything including your mobile phone, your computer, your bed, your urinary, your pen, your car do have a link to you and as a matter of fact, you to me. I first have to apologize to all of those who are of different religion but this is my blog and I think I should be entitled to my own opinion no matter how stupid or unacceptable they may seem to you. Okay, I truly believe that there really is no god in this universe, no special entity up there who is looking over us, protecting us or cooking up something interesting for countries to go against each other just for the fun of it. 

Now you may ask why I got something or did something impossible when I prayed to God? Or why did I witness a miracle happen that cannot possibly be performed by a mere human being? Well instead of only looking at the most talked about answer, why don’t you think outside the box? Perhaps it is not God that is helping us. Perhaps it is not God who performed these miracles. Perhaps…it was YOU who made this miracle come true. And how did you make this impossible possible? It is through pure will and mental power. I wont deny that praying or chanting (in my case) really helps a lot when we’re trying to achieve something difficult or impossible. It usually works because you’re in a way beseeching and changing the environment through your willpower alone. You don’t do it by waving a magic wand around like Potter or palming off flaming fireballs like Ryu. You actually influence the environment and subsequently the situation by ‘wanting’ something pretty badly. Ever heard of somebody being able to bend spoons just by starring at them? I truly believe that this can be done. Not through magic, not through powers from above but through mental power and will.

The human mind is truly a mysterious piece of machinery. Don’t you think it fascinating that a lump of skin and blood vessels (sorry if I mis-portrayed a brain J) could remember so many things, dream up fantastic inventions as well as plot devious schemes? I mean seeing that it can do and store so many things, I don’t see why it can’t influence the environment around it if it really ‘wants’ something hard enough. If you believe that one mind can do such extraordinary things, what can two minds do? Or 10 minds or a hundred in that matter if each and every owner of these minds set their thoughts at something they really want? This is actually what praying or chanting is about. No prayer can be effective if those reciting or initiating the prayers have different thoughts going on in their little heads. No one group of people can truly succeed if they are advancing in a straight line but towards a different goal. It is as simple as that.

It doesn’t matter what religion you’re currently practicing. What matters to me most is that all of you guys out there are praying or chanting for peace and harmony between all humans living on this planet. You may believe that there is a god, Jesus or Allah or Ganesh or somebody else. So pray to him or her to bless each and every one of us with good fortune. Pray for every devious mind to think good thoughts, to find a resolution other than that of guns and bombs. I know that there are thousands, perhaps millions of dirty and twisted minds out there that are praying for the destruction of one another. Those minds are pure evil and it is up to us to influence the environment so that they do not get what they want. I know that every religion is good and pure at its core and if interpreted correctly, every Bible’s or Quran’s or I dunno what else, forgive me pal, main purpose is to lead humanity to walk to path of good. By good I mean to look at the greater picture and not pray or chant only for yourselves. There are so many people in much dire state who are waiting for your prayers out there. Look at Iraq, look at Afghanistan, look at Iran, look at Africa, look at Pakistan. So instead of praying only for yourselves, why don’t you pray or chant an additional 5 or 10 minutes for these people’s happiness?

Anyway for those of you who are in Selangor and want to know more about our wonderful choir – Renaissance Choir 2 or our association Soka Gakkai Malaysia. Please contact me through my email (gp04lch@yahoo.com) or just drop me a message in friendster.

hey! feeling overworked? stressed out? trying to meet a deadline that is damned near impossible? welcome to the Asian workforce! lol!. now this is the second point of my discussion with my colleague’s bf. sorry dude, i forgot your name again. well anyway, i am also under the impression that the Asian work culture ‘contributes’ a great deal to the stagnant state of our inovative minds. again i would first like to stress that not EVERY organization or company are under this cool policy but hey! you can’t deny the fact that lots of bosses practise this kind of policy.

Asian work culture defines (in my opinion) that a person is expected to complete a certain amount of work (which in most cases means tonnes of it) within a given time frame. aik? no problem with the sentence mah. wait! there’s a catch though, the ‘time frame’ does not only mean your working hours. it also includes your ‘relax’ time after work. not just any after-work-time mind you, this also includes the time when you’re supposed to be curled up in bed. well lets say that you went through hell to complete the work on time and came to the office light headed with eye balls laced with veins and a throbbing head naturally the quality of your work would be in most cases shoddy at best. so you get scolded, lectured and insulted for your sacrifices to the company.

fair or not la friend? you’re paid say RM 2000 and you’re supposed to do double for it? i still cant understand why some bosses can bring themselves to assign you an impossible task and lose their temper when you can’t complete it. did you read the previous sentence slowly? ‘impossible’ mah! of course the person with the responsibility can’t complete it in time. i can be pretty sure that most of you working people have often brought stuff back from work just to meet a deadline. AND i can also be pretty sure that you’re not payed any sorts of overtime or compensation for your time riiight?

the Asian work culture also defines that the boss is ALWAYS right. this also creates a link with point 1 - respect. in our culture, the boss is the ultimate diety, one that is untouchable and who decides whether you get promoted or booted not on your performance but on whether he or she likes you enough (usually la. not always. i know some bosses who are pretty fair and just). so most of us do not really work efficiently enough to be promoted. instead we ’shine our bosses shoes’ with various ways possible for them to like us and subsequently enable ourselves to be elevated into the position we most desire.

office politics between Western and Asian cultures are vastly different. most western cultures wage war on each other by proving who’s really fit for the job. Asian cultures do exactly the same thing, but with a twist. instead of only working towards their goal, most asians i know engage in plenty of back stabbing, land mines and gossiping that it spoils the relationship and atmosphere of the whole working place. this is extremely ugly and can spell doom for an organization if left uncheck. oh sure office politics are everywhere but you cant deny that you’ll find the most interesting and entertaining ones here at home.

most bosses are also stingy! no use denying it because you all know its true! most asian bosses are hoarders where the do not wish the spend their hard earned cash on upgrading their employees. hell, many organizations i visited use pirated versions of software not because they dont have the money to purchase them, its because the top management are too ‘kiam siak’ to spend money on them. then again there’s the love showered on the employees. haha. i dont think many of you are really satisfied with the hardware you’re using right? slow? full of junk? you got it right! how do you expect your staff to be productive if they’re not equipped with the latest technology to fully expand their horizon?

anyway, this all adds up to an employee being so stressed and tired of their work that they wont have any time to dream up innovative and killer ideas. most of them dont even loove their company enough to make the sacrifice. now i hear the Malaysian government slamming oversea graduates because they refuse to come back and work in Malaysia. dude, how do you expect someone who has experienced a Western working culture (5 days a week, 8 hours a day with usually no working at home) to come back and get bald at an early age due to work pressure? that’s hilarious! don’t even use patriotism in your argument because u’ll make me roll on the floor with sarcastic laughter. 

so there you have it: why Asians are generally less productive than Western cultures. as a side note, these are all my opinion and are not directed solely at anyone or anything whatsoever. haha, well you know Asian cultures. you can get locked up if you say something wrong you know?

aaah. another day back from work! man, am i tired, oh and as usual bored to the max. if i’m given 5 bucks everytime i feel bored or am not in the mood, i may already have amassed quite a small fortune. perhaps like err, ringgit malaysia 10,000? well if only we’re payed for getting bored. lol. funny how work sucks out all your energy and will to do other productive stuff. well you don’t really need to agree with me on this, perhaps i don’t find my job entertaining enough.

had quite an interesting chat with my colleague’s bf today and really agreed on what he had to say. according to him, most Asian cultures seem to fall behind Western cultures not because they’re born stupid (if i’m not mistaken, some western assholes do believe they’re superior over us…no wait! i’m pretty sure of it) but because of the Asian culture. in this context i would lean strongly towards 2 main points. 1. the Asian culture of (gongs and trumpets please) UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT and 2. the Asian work culture.

let us first go to point 1. aaaah, respect! how often have we heard and most often than not misinterpreted this word. among us Asians, respect is more like a sacred thing where you have to practise almost daily and is drilled into our very skulls during childhood with stuff like rotans, rulers, hangers!, belts, knuckles, palms and all sorts of stuff that’ll make you howl. i’m not sure if its only me but i’m taught to keep quiet and agree with a point an adult makes eventhough its outrageously innacurate. trying to correct and adult will inevitably draw glances and gossips from your friends and family which would make your parents lose face and subsequently you’ll get ‘machine gunned’ for being a smart ah lek.

i’m sure lots and lots of you have experienced something like that. i remembered i had an argument with my mother once in which i said

‘this isn’t fair, how can you lose temper on me just because you feel like it?’
‘well, because i’m your mom!’ she shot back.
‘what? is there no law in this world?’
’sure there is! ‘jia you jia gui, guo you guo fa’ she said<– this means there are family rules and there are err…country rules?
‘aw c’mon! you know its wrong for you to do this right?’
’so?? if you’re so unsatisfied. vent it out on your children when you’re married la. you’ll get your turn to be respected’.

wow wow WOW! check it out! respected! how much dumber can things get? ….hey chung han, you’re asking me now, what the hell does this has to do with Asian cultures falling behind western cultures? oh sure there is. have you noticed how adults with experience seem to scoff at our suggestions when we make them? some dont even deem us worthy of their attention and would just give us a sideway glance or a sad shake of the head. others may just entertain us by pretending to listen and then talk about our arrogance behind our backs. oh! of course there are great adults who would put away their pride or in our cases their faces and have discussions with us but believe me, more than half of adults in Asia are still held back with this utterly useless ‘respect’ culture.

to me, respect is giving up your seat to an elderly. respect is talking politely and corteously to someone older than you, respect is stepping aside and allow an elderly to use the lift or escalator. however, respect is not grovelling in the dirt like a puppy when an adult is nearby. respect is also not keeping quite when you know you have been wronged by an adult. respect is also not expecting someone younger than you to listen just because you’re an adult. this is fitting for some sort of idiom i heard that goes something like this ‘respect is earned, not forced’. in our case, i have a feeling that respect is forced down our throat from a very early age. even now i sometimes feel irritated when a person younger than me voices up an opinion. this is something bad and i hope to irradicate less it infects the younger generation.

i have often heard my parents and friends argue hotly with their own parents and telling me how unfairly they’re treated. don’t they realize the simple truth that they are also planting the seeds for further ‘unfairness’ in the future? they are the ones who complain and yet they are doing the same thing to their children. how are the youths today be able to come out with fresh and new ideas for the future when they’re stomped down by respect? how can productive ideas flow and be heard when we’re always worried that someone would lose face or our family will be condemned because we spoke out the truth? 

as humans, we should look at things neutrally. an opinion will not be always stupid or useless just because it came from a little boy or girl. a decision cannot be said to be effective if it is made by an adult. what i want to say for point 1 is that if Asian adults and youths can share ideas with each other through sincere dialogue, i think it is possible for each and everyone of us to advance and improve ourselves whether spiritually, environmentally or financially. if we put aside our differences as well as arrogance and view each other as equals, yes, and i do mean equals, i strongly believe that the future will be so much brighter for all of us.

don’t scoff at people’s idea just because you’re a datuk, or teacher, or parent. try to listen and see the problem from the other person’s point of view. wipe away the mindset that say ‘just because i’m an adult, i have the right (yeah, fcuk you ) to be respected’ and remember, sincere dialogue…that’s what sensei always says.

yeah, just composed a poem. anyway its just spontaneous la. so don’t go on ranting about how much it sucks.